I didn't expect anyone to read that last one... I sort of went psycho there. Heh. Anyways, I wanted to thank Rafe and Kendra, you two made me smile with those comments ^-^
I had no pencil, and I was thinking more of breaking a mirror or something.
1984 is kick ass from what I'm reading (I'm still not done with it ) but the concept of Newspeak depresses me. Lets limit the words available, therefore limit your thoughts so that we can control you without much protest. Anyways, I'm a little over half way done with that.
As for things getting brighter... I suppose they will not do so unless I make them. I am feeling rather lazy and numb right now though. Thats the saddest part about it all. I need to control what thoughts I allow in my head. Thoughts hurt, but I dwell on them anyways...
Whats sad.... Is they aren't my thoughts or memories.. They are his.... I'm hurt by his past just as he is. It tourments me too. I wasn't there for him then. I can't take them away from him now. It bothers him, it crawls under my skin...
Yes, control my thoughts... Don't think.... Do not let it cross your mind.... Wow, I'm a Loon.
Let's change the subject... Break ends soon. I'm about to start the last trimester of the year... He's getting a job.... And graduating this trimester.... and then....
Arghhh... Not only am I thinking about all of that... I'm thinking about my lack of a future again... Yaaaay.
I'm sorry.... I'm not a very interesting person. I'm really selfish it seems... I can rant and complain about my problems for hours without solving them. I can't solve anyones problems... I can't help people...
I'm going to stop now, before this gets any worse...
Thanks again
~K~
First Post
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I don't really believe in this blogging stuff. But, hey--people tell me
it's fun.
13 years ago
2 comments:
Lol, glad to have made you laugh :) Beware the bad luck that comes with breaking mirror ;) Just kidding. I don't do "luck" anyway.
I started 1984, but didn't finish. I agree, Newspeak is creepy, but nontheless creative. Control someone by controlling their words. I guess words really are quite powerful.
About your chosing whether or not things are brighter, I suppose that IS true. Of course, I'm terrible at that. Attitude is supposedly everything, but mine tends to be less than helpful, lol!
It's really okay not to be able to be superwoman and solve everyone's problems! :) We all go through hard times, it's just life and part of being human. And you're not selfish just for being human!
I'm really sorry things are confusing and hard between you and someone. That's the worst kind of stress and sadness (to me). I hope this isn't too cheesy, and I dunno how you feel about God, but would you mind if I prayed for you? It might help things work out. *shrug*
You're welcome, my pleasure...
Newspeak is saw more as interesting...haha
don't worry about being a little crazy, it gets the best of us.
if you don't have a future, make yourself one...that's what I did, and I'm not stressing about what's gonna happen next...
your feelings are natural, and saddening,(plus familiar) but somethings are just out of your hands. You can't solve other people's problems, they have to do it themselves. And on top of that, people may slip out of your hands...its a sad fate of these modern and cruel times...thats why freelove's so important...
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