Last night I was feeling so hopeful and alive. Like maybe the world doesn't suck, like maybe I have a chance at a decent future. Then, this morning I woke up. Right now, I'm sitting in class, off to the side, by myself. It's an independent work day. I can't think straight, and for some reason I am feeling like a bit of a reject.
And I was doing so well too. Then I realized the week is almost over, and I have a ton of work to do by tomorrow. I was doing so well until I remembered that I'm depressed and losing my mind. I was doing so well until I realized that I look horrible today.
I was doing so well.... thinking about writing something that is actually worth reading for a writing contest, until I realized again that I am a horrible writer and nothing I write will be good enough. I was doing so well... And then I started falling apart because no one here notices that I'm not doing so well.
I can't concentrate. Not even on this, my distraction. My mind is a mess, a large battlefield scattered with ruin and decay. I'm not even making any sense, and I'm losing the battle...
Why couldn't I have stayed hopeful and happy?
What is wrong with me...?
First Post
-
I don't really believe in this blogging stuff. But, hey--people tell me
it's fun.
13 years ago
4 comments:
from a super-lame-terrible-not even english speaker and mopping "writer" :
whats the problem kiddo?
cheer up, you have not lost anything so far
It's weird how our moods seem to spontaneously change on their own sometimes. Just keep working, on whatever gives you fulfillment, keep driving foreward through the rough patches and you'll find your way and your Self again.
By the way, sometimes I FEEL LIKE I am in the reject category as well so it's good to know there are others out there who feel the same way, but that also passes with time...
I'm sure you'll be fine again! When moods come so quickly, usually they go the same way.
:) *hugs*
~Kendra
what wrong with you, you ask?
well, I'd say you realized and remembered the wrong things.
You gotta learn how to live the good side of life. It can't be that hard, can it?
Post a Comment